I am devastated


#1

I can completely understand where you are with this, but I will give you this bit of advice…do not accept total responsibility for this. A marriage takes two people to make it work or let it fail. You being on the computer may have made you distant from him but IMHO that would not be a good enough reason for him to be unfaithful. IMHO there’s never a good reason or excuse to cheat.

You giving up being on the computer and him giving up HAVING SEX and a RELATIONSHIP with another woman are two very different things.
I understand that you feel as though the rug has been pulled out from under you, I’ve been there before. Had I known then what I know now…I possibly wouldn’t be so bitter. I would have made sure that he understood that neglecting him was far less humiliating and painful than being unfaithful. To me, that is unforgivable.

If he is not willing to stop seeing her then YES your situation is hopeless. (Again, my opinion only) Would you want him to come back to you knowing that it could happen again? Knowing that he never took his marriage vows serious enough to talk to you and get counseling prior to having an affair? Knowing that he has had a relationship and sex with another woman. That he told her things about you and your marriage. He obviously didn’t think the marriage was worth a whole lot to start with or he wouldn’t have been so quick to toss it away.

I understand that people grow apart and change. I really do…but then you leave, you work through it…you do NOT cheat.
I’m sorry that this happened to you and I do not mean to sound harsh, but I wish that someone would have slapped me in the face and made me see that I should be angry about him cheating instead of so devastated that he left me! It’s his loss. I am a smart, attractive woman and I deserve better than that. He was lucky to have me.
You should believe that about yourself and it would make this a lot easier.
I suggest finding a support group and counseling. The biggest thing to remember is that everything does come back around…


#2

Hi sweetlyrical
I know what you going through been there done that but in my case my now ex is the one who messed around on me. It hurts trust me I had her for over 17yrs but to do what she done is wrong and it was not my fault just like it is not your fault. NO one should ever go through that if they want to live with them then get a sep agg and move on.
I can say I know what you are feeling not easy, I know this is not easy trust me I know and to trust again very hard but in time you will. Me I have not found the right one for me but I will in time and
I can not wait for this to happen to me and I hope the best for you and to live life to the fullest
Good luck


#3

Thanks guys for your support [:)] It does take two to make the marriage work. We didn’t go to counseling all these years. We should have but my soon to be X didn’t feel it was necessary, he felt we could work things through on our own.

I don’t want to put blame on him exclusively. He has been telling me for years that he is unhappy and what it is he is unhappy about. I took him for granted and now I lost him.

Still, if he was so unhappy, instead of cheating on me he should have filed a long time ago. I mean we are not even legally separated yet.

He says he is not cheating on me and I pointed out that we are still married, the separation agreement was never filed and he has been seeing this woman for six months. That IS cheating I told him.

I mean wait until we legally separate first and then date. Why people don’t do that I don’t know. Either work it out or leave first like you said.


#4

My husband of 13 years told me on Sunday that he went to see a lawyer last week and will be filing for a separation. Told me he doesn’t love me and he hasn’t for a long time. I was devastated.

It is my fault that he is leaving, I will admit to that. I have not been there physically and emotionally for him. I have pretty much been distant for many years. I really should not be surprised, I should have expected him to want to end our marriage.

I still love him and wanted to make an attempt to keep the marriage intact so I made an appt. with a marriage counselor.

He admitted yesterday in counseling that he has been seeing someone else for the past 6 months. I am heartbroken.

The counselor said that if we both wanted to try to save our marriage that we would have to give up our other loves mine being the computer and his being the other woman.

I said I was willing to stop being on the computer so much but he said he didn’t think he was willing to give up this other woman, that he would have to think about it. He said he cares for her and that they both click.

Sounds to me like this marriage cannot be saved. He doesn’t seem to want to do his part and stop seeing this person. In his mind this marriage is over and he wants to move on.

I have been so depressed that I am not able to eat or sleep since he told me he is separating. I know it’s my fault but I was hoping that we can work things out.

I have decided to seek individual counseling with another therapist to help me move on and accept the fact that he does not and will not ever love me again just in case he decides to go ahead with the filing.

I mean if he is not willing to stop seeing her than it sounds like our situation is hopeless.

Is it possible to save our marriage or is it wishful thinking on my part?