Just venting - stepdaughter and Dad


#1

Hey Mal, I don’t intend on being rude or anything, but if it’s his stepddaughter, well, he might just have to let go. Especially since if he’s married to you now, she isn’t technically his stepddaughter, and doesn’t have rights to her.

Or unless you meant that she’s YOUR stepdaughter, and his daughter, and just made a mistake when typing. In that case, I feel for him and maybe she is being brainwashed by the other parent.

If it is indeed his stepdaughter (or ex stepdaughter), well, it is really nice that he cares about her and bonded with her. It honestly is. Then again, maybe her mother is concerned because the girl is a teenager and there are so many perverted men out there who are into the young fresh teen look… (how many of us have seen our grown husbands and boyfriends turn their heads when a 16 year old in short shorts walk by?) I AM NOT IN ANY WAY saying that is your husband’s deal, by no means, but in such a world, one tends to be suspicious. Perhaps the girl’s mother is that way, or she is just doing it out of spite and jealousy because her ex husband bonded with her daughter.

I don’t know, Mal… it would be impossible, I think, for him to gain visitation rights. When she turns 18, if she’s not already, it will be up to her if she wants to see her ex stepdad. So I don’t know what else to say…

If it’s his daughter, well then he needs to lawyer up and take it to court! :slight_smile: It’s nice that you are concerned and interested in preserving their relationship, there’s not a lot of people out there like that.


#2

sorry it’s MY stepdaughter - HIS daughter - my bad.
So, it’s about 3 months since I wrote that and things really haven’t changed except that now she’s headed off to college. We started getting e-mails from the mom about college expenses and contacted the daughter to say that we would help but would only go through her (daughter) and not thru Mom. We’ll see if that helps or changes things.


#3

It makes a whole lot more sense now!

Hopefully now that the daughter is going off to college and hopefully will be becoming somewhat of an independent adult, she will reach out to her dad. Since she’s not under the thumb of the other parent (unless she is to be living at home during college, or is she going to stay in a dorm?), she may wise up and do the right thing.

It was a good idea to tell her that you guys would help with her college expenses but only through her, not the ex wife. VERY good idea. That way, you know that the money is legimately being used for the college expenses, (or at least you guys will know that the daughter is directly recieving the funds), and the daughter will feel more independent in a way, being able to decide what to do with the money. Also she will perhaps see that her dad, (and you as well), care about her and her future. That should make an impact on her! Because if her mom is telling her one thing, it will be contradicted by the fact that Dad is interested in her schooling. She is getting older and could then put 2 and 2 together… Really do hope things work out and hope you let us all know if something changes for the better. :slight_smile:


#4
quote:
[i]Originally posted by mal[/i] [br]sorry it's MY stepdaughter - HIS daughter - my bad. So, it's about 3 months since I wrote that and things really haven't changed except that now she's headed off to college. We started getting e-mails from the mom about college expenses and contacted the daughter to say that we would help but would only go through her (daughter) and not thru Mom. We'll see if that helps or changes things.

Sorry to hear about all this mal. A couple of thoughts…one, teenagers are notoriously self-centered. At that age, the peer group seems to be the most important. THey are looking to break away and spread their wings. Some of the behavior is probably due to that.

However, if the ex is indeed badmouthing the father…as long as he continually makes attempts to keep the door open and stay in her life, she will come around. She might be 25 or 30, but she will come around.

My grandmother badmouthed my grandfather to my dad. For many years my dad hated his dad. When he finally did figure it out, it irreparably damaged his relationship with his mom because he was angry at having lost all those years.

On the side, I think that dealing directly with the daughter for the college expenses is a wonderful idea. If nothing else, it keeps you in contact and it lets her know that you are actively supporting her education.


#5

yes, we are hopefully that going away to college may help. I suspect one of the causes for her behavior besides mom may be a friend who is also from a divorced situation…misery loves company…and they feed off of each other.
The good news is has spoken/texted her father more in the past few weeks than in prior 11 months ao she could talk to him about college finances.


#6

I feel so sad for my husband that his teenaged stepdaughter has almost no contact with him. She won’t call and often doesn’t return his calls. She ignores attempt for them to meet or finds excuses why she can’t. It didn’t used to be this way. I think she has chosen the path of least resistance to stay w/ the parent who gives her the fewest rules and asks the fewest questions. We find out what is going on in her life in bits and pieces from siblings and even facebook. I would think that in time she will regret all of this and grow out of it and see and understand the real story…but for now it breaks her dad’s heart and there doesn’t seem to be much he can do. Fortunately his other kids make up for her behavior and go out of their way to be with dad.