Legal fallout from an affair?


Last week I sent a letter to the woman my husband was having an affair with. The letter was non threatening in that I did not threaten to harm her physically. I did let her know I was reserving the right to pursue any legal action that may be available to me. I also let her know I would contact her husband to inform him of the affair as it is my belief he has the right to know what is occurring in his marriage. I never did contact him nor did I contact her again.

Today I was contacted by the woman’s husband. He was very polite, and very amiable towards me.

He has requested we all (me, my husband, him, and his wife) meet in the presence of our respective attorneys to “air things out”. I do not have an attorney, but agreed to let his attorney call me. I don’t have to agree to a meeting or anything. As I see it, I am the one with the upper hand, so to speak. I cannot fathom why he would want to meet with an attorney present unless they are both afraid of me filing suit against her.

Do I need an attorney for a meeting like this?


You do not need an attorney present at the meeting, but I would suggest you do more listening than talking, to get an idea of what it is this man wants from you.


It’s a possibility that he could also be looking into the pursuit of the same in regards to your husband…


I can’t imagine that he would attempt to pursue litigation against my husband with his wife being the aggressor. I threw my husband out. This affair was a deal breaker for me. Our 24 year marriage is over. This man, on the other hand, stated his intentions were to support his wife. He is still living with his wife at this point. I do not believe they will separate. Is this not condonation on his part? I believe they are protecting themselves, or her, from any further liability.

I have boxes of evidence gathered over the course of the very expensive past 3 to 4 months in which I hired a private investigator to do surveillance. I have pictures, videos…you name it and I’ve got it. They KNOW I have this evidence. At this point, I do not have to share any of this evidence with anyone. I can destroy it if I choose to do so as it is my property, but I’m not going that route just yet.

The funny thing is, I am willing to let this all go in exchange for her admitting her portion of responsibility in this mess, and for a simple apology. Yes, it’s that simple. Someone accepting responsibility for their actions is worth more than money to me. I do not want to have to go through the long drawn out process of litigation. My life has been interrupted enough. My children’s lives have been interrupted enough. And frankly, I am not financially able to afford this expensive process. Now if there’s an attorney who will work on a contingency basis on a case like this…

So, is it possible to make these demands? Can I ask her attorney to relay to his clients that I am willing to relinquish any rights to future litigation in exchange for what it is I feel I need to move on emotionally?
Or, is there anything else I can ask of them in exchange for me relinquishing my right to sue?


You may ask for anything you like in the course of a settlement negotiation. Just be sure to make it clear that you are meeting for purposes of discussing a settlement, that way anything you, or anyone else says during the course of the meeting is not admissible in court if you do ever decide to move forward with a claim.