Mother's Interference

North Carolina Divorce Law Divorce and Separation Answers
#1

P.S. His Ex-wife is also telling my husband that she will not sign over her portion of the deed to the land that our house sits on and that he had better move the house because the land is hers.

Mind you, my husband refinanced to pay her debts, the land was included in the refinancing, but she was not. She initialed her agreement to include the land. At the time of their divorce ED and custody were left unheard and no open case for either one were in effect. There was also no seperation agreement. Along with what I posted above, she verbally admits on recording that she gave him the land, but he couldn’t prove it and now he’ll have to pay her off to get it.

HELPPPPP!!!

#2

If it was me… I’d just move to a different state long and far away and not leave a forwarding address.

But, that’s just me.

#3

I believe that I posted on your husband’s post? You’re a paralegal student, wouldn’t the cursing you, your husband and your children be considered verbal assalt or abuse? Isn’t that illegal? If she calls, DON’T talk to her, DON’T argue with her. Hand up and block her number. If she shows up at your house, call the police. Public accusation of a crime? Isn’t that slander as I’m sure that you can prove malicious intent. NO judge out there is going to look kindly if your husband signs something saying that you can not seek medical attention for any reason for the children. In fact, hang on to that and take it to court showing that she clearly does not have the best interest of the children in mind.
Protect yourself and what’s yours by recording EVERYTHING. Keep all receipts, document phone calls and record them, document every verbal assalt. Let everyone know what is going on so that they will be forewarned that she may try to get you through them. Talk to the school office where your oldest is and let them know that should she find out the location and if she is seen on the property or if she calls your son they are to first contact you and then contact the local authorities. You are not helpless in this. I posted on the other one, take the offensive. Start digging but do NOT include the children. Do not question them or let them know that things are as ugly as they really are. Children have enough to worry about without knowing all their parents dirty secrets. Make them feel safe at your home by letting them be children and not worrying or hearing about all this mess. If they question you or your husband, just let them know that everything will be taken care of. If there are step sibilings in the house, make sure that they know that the rules are the same for ALL the children. You are the adults, they are children. If the ex doesn’t like it, that’s really too bad. Set down ground rules for the children and stick to them. If the ex calls to curse you or husband on behalf of her children, tell her that she has NO say in the rules at your home and HANG UP. She’s obviously not the only one who knows how to legally threaten. Tell her that if she comes your house you will call the police. Tell her that if she kicks your A** you will have her arrested assalt. And if she DOES come to your home, follow through on that threat. Don’t stoop to her level by taking it out on the children or getting others involved to help with harrassing her, but don’t allow her this much power over your lives either. This is what took me and my husband so long to understand. We allowed his ex to control everything we said or did with the children basically because we didn’t want to hear the fussing about it. The thing is, you don’t HAVE to hear it or deal with it. If there are accusations of physical abuse, there should be a medical and police reports filed with documented proof.
The judge is going to look at the environment the children live in at your home and what type of relationship you have with the children.
The land/house deal with have to be worked out with equitable distribution. Keep recordings of ANY conversations with her.

#4

We have, maybe not everything, documented. We have been to the criminal magistrate, but they refuse to file any assault charges, verbal, or harrassment charges. Since there is an ongoing custody dispute and the way she words things they consider it conditional.
My husband’s attorney advised me not to sue her in civil court for slander, because it could show vengence on my part.???
Because of how she worded the abuse and how she would construe(sp?) abuse caused us not to pick up the children for our week. Quote" If I see Any marks on my children, I will go to the sherriff’s department with my children and file abuse charges against her(me)."
The way she is, they could fall off their bike and she would file charges.

I’ve just gotten so tired of this and it’s taking it’s toll on the kids and our marriage.

Thank You for the reply

#5

I would not give up visitations to be with the children because of this. If she goes to the Sherrif’s department, she will be sent to the ER to have a medical opinion for the physical abuse charges. Once they find out that there’s a custody dispute she will have a little less credit. If the child falls off their bike, they are going to have “road rash” not a black eye. Doctor’s know what kind of injuries point to physical abuse, and I think they would question the mother’s word that a scraped knee came from abuse. Make sure that everything you do is well documented and legal. If the children hurt themselves while at your home, document it. If they come to your home injured, document it. That way, when or if she does this, you will have ammunition to defend yourselves.

I would still talk with your employer and anyone else that you need to to let them know. When I posted on the other question I said to “Keep in mind that anyone who knows you or your wife will know the truth. Hopefully, have enough people who are close to you two and the children that are willing to step on a witness stand and testify to your relationship to the children and that the discipline measures for the children are not more severe than necessary.” This way, the effects of this on your job or school would be lessened since they know what to expect. Right now, with the custody battle raging, your husband’s lawyer is probably right. If you lose your job because of this, then I would absolutely file a civil case, regardless of whether or not it shows vengence on your part. In the mean time, don’t feed the drama. She’s trying to scare you and your husband into giving her the children so they won’t have to be around you as a “wicked stepmother” that stole her husband and took her place. Believe me, I know this from experience. The more you react to what she’s doing the more it is going to affect your life. Let her spend her energy on you, while you and your husband focus on the children. They ARE what this is all about for you and your husband. For her it may be money and control but eventually others, even the children, will see that. I found that the angrier my husband’s ex got at me the more damage she did to her own reputation in vain attempts to ruin me in her children’s eyes. Research what the courts will look at and start making your case for custody stronger. You said it’s taking a toll on the kids and your marriage. That’s because you’re letting yourselves be sucked into a world of chaos and drama. Don’t play that game, that game, nobody wins. Let her burn herself out trying to prove something that can’t be proven, while you build a relationship with your stepchildren.

I would consider moving if it’s at all possible or at the very least, put up a fence. If her parents live next door, there’s never going to be any good come out of that situation. We don’t even know where my husband’s ex lives. They have a sitter and a mutual drop off place if they have to exchange the children any other time than after school. She made sure to find out where we were moving to though, mostly so she could call and curse him for being able to afford to buy a house when she couldn’t.

#6

My husband and I have both read your post and have talked a good deal today while my daughter was in school. We’ve both agreed that we have allowed this to take control of our lives and well being. And that it stops now. We’ll just let her continue to dig her own hole.
I have started investigating cases(with the help of my paralegal teacher) that have close situations in NC and have found that most judges tend to rule on the part of the parent that hasn’t “stooped” to measures like this and that the court of appeals usually uphold the rulings. So this is something that myself and my husband hold faith in.
He has an appointment with his attorney this evening in hopes that the attorney can convince DSS to be party to exchanges, so that way she can’t come back later and say" on such and such day, such and such child had bruises here and here"
It seems to me that you and your hubby have got the routine down hopefully we can soon [:p]

#7

A little background:
My husband and I have been married for a year and he has 3 children I have 2, 1 is living at home. Almost immedietly after we got married his ex-wife decided to hold the children from us and file for AFDC and any other state benefits that she could. We detered that by contacting and proving our case with a welfare fraud investigator. At that time my husband filed for custody of his children and since, it has been a holy Nightmare!
My dog was shot by one of my husband’s ex-inlaws(they live nextdoor)
His ex-wife has accused me in public of physically abusing the children(I am a paralegal student, accusations like that can cause effects for me when I graduate). And in turn placed a conditional threat that, "If she sees any marks on her children she will Whip my A**.
When I was selling my home, my buyers were visited by his ex-wife and she proceeded to defame me after they refused to tell her the buying price and conditions of the sale, I lost that sale. My renters before that were harrassed on several occasions by her, which caused them to move out.
She wants my husband to sign an agreement that I can not get medical attention for the children in any case at all(not even in an emergency)
She has contacted friends of mine harrassing them, trying to find out what state and private school that my oldest child is in. I of couse have had criminal background checks run on me by her and her attorney(I expected that) Her family has openly admitted that she has asked them to give me H*** and has told them that we have threatened to harm their animals ect, so they acted first.
My child is openly being verbally and physically abused by her step-sibling and when my husband or I say anything or correct her for it, my child gets the blunt of the anger, then mom proceeds to call my husband and cuss him for it.
When she was asked why she was doing these things to me, “Cause I don’t like her” and most of everything above and her statement is all on a digital recorder! Including the statement, "My attorney said, I can do what I want and you can’t do a thing about it as long as I don’t commit a crime"
Behold!!! She’s right! She can harass me through her family and friends, she can make “Conditional” threats, she can publicly accuse me of a crime without proof, she can brainwash these poor kids, cuss me or my husband, cuss my children, harass my friends. And We Have To Take It! My huband is on the verge of relinquishing his parental rights!

What are my husband and I supposed to do to protect our kids and ourselves???