Need a divorce, but can't separate because of finances


#1

My husband and I have been together for 13 years. We have three children under the age of 8. We both had issues when we got together, but through the years, my husband has lied about things over and over. Some lies have been huge (he has a son that he fathered in high school, he never really graduated from college), and other lies haven’t been that big (mostly just not telling the WHOLE truth). I don’t want to be with him anymore, I can’t handle the lying. In September I asked for a divorce and we moved forward to try to get separated. Unfortunately, we have absolutely no money to do this and of course in this state we have to be physically separated for a year. This is killing me inside. I am in a constant state of anxiety because of having to try to pretend with the kids. I broke down and asked if he would go to counseling because he said he didn’t want a divorce. One of our problems has been him hiding things (porn, emails, a relationship with a coworker). After he said he would do anything to save the marriage (to a counselor no less), I find an open porn window on the computer (THAT MY SON CAME ACROSS). My son (8) didn’t really understand what he was seeing so I was able to hide it. My husband always acts as though everything is fine, and I can’t do that. I want to throw up and cry and yell and leave. But I love my kids and I’m trying to be strong for them. I am seeing my own counselor as well. I have to get separated from this man, but how do I do that with no resources? We have no family here (I have no family whatsoever), and no one to lean on. Any ideas please??


#2

You have a very difficult situation to deal with for sure. Have you asked you counselor about women’s services in your area?
There may be free legal help for you to start proceedings, in which case you may be able to have your husband removed from the home and still be required to help support you and the children.

There are also social services available to women in your situation (if he moves out and doesn’t support you)…help with child care and job placement for you so that you can support yourself and the kids.

It’s not easy…I was a single mom with three children myself…I had to be on welfare for almost a year when my son was a baby, but I got through it.
My children are mostly grown now…only my son is still home with me.

So hang in there…don’t give up. Try to “emotionally detach” yourself from you husband, so that his behaviors won’t have power over your emotional state. It can’t be good for your children to be exposed to pornography…

Ask your counselor for help to find the resources you need. I wish you and your children the best.