Need serious help

It sounds as though you are in a very stressful situation and are having some moral issues with leaving your wife.
Let me put some things into perspective for you: 1.No matter when or how you leave, make no mistake, you will be “a you know what” and probably worse. 2.Things that people can agree on when they are married, they will disagree on when divorcing, and if they never agreed on it it will be worse while divorcing. 3.The majority of divorces are ugly. Anything bad that you did while you were married, or what she percieves as bad, will be told to anyone that will listen. 4.It WILL be your fault. Get used to that idea now so it won’t be such a shock when you hear your mother-in-law or someone from your wife’s place of business say it. 5. All ex husbands are lying, cheating, low life, scum and all ex wives are coniving, money hungry, cold hearted tramps. That’s just the way it seems to be if you read enough of these forums. I know there are some divorces that are amicable and easy to deal with, but those people don’t post on here.
Keep in mind that if you have done all that you feel you are capable to make the relationship work, anyone who knows you or knows you as a couple will know the truth. If you understand this then you will not be defending yourself to everyone afterwards. We are all human and make mistakes. Know your limits on what you are willing endure to have that peace of mind while not compromising your conscience. There is no “good” time to leave. If you leave before you will be a jerk for putting her through this right before surgery, if you leave after you will be a jerk for doing this right after surgery.

If you have made up your mind about leaving, protect yourself. Start a new account at a separate bank in your name only. Don’t argue with her about money, but keep records of everything. Keep documentation of conversations and what was said. Try to eliminate any excessive debts that you can. Contact an attorney and get a separation agreement drawn up, and file for equitable distribution. This way, hopefully, 1/2 of the debt that she has help build will be on her shoulders.
This is all just my opinion. Some of the others may have different opinions. Good Luck and keep us posted.

Thank you for the advice. I have been keeping documents of spendings @ work. I used to blog our problems and conversations, but this seemed to only intensify the situation when she found or read it, however I had it @ home or in my vehicle. I thank you for your reply.

John Myers

Dear John1to1:

Greetings. Yes, leave and work out the financials now. Do not keep allowing her to help you both stay in debt. Get back together when she learns to live on a budget. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


Your wife sounds like my STBX. When we went through similar financial hard times, we went to marriage counceling and they told us that my wife was a non-supportive wife and had the wrong ideas as to what a marriage should be. They also told me that i would be lucky if the marriage lasted another 5 years. They were right. I should have filed back then but did not because of our children. But, as soon as things got better for us financially (And because of my managing the family budget), she filed for divorce and guess what! I was stuck with all the debt, have to pay her half my salary in CS and Alimony and am short $1600.00 a month in meeting my financial obligations now! All that hard work getting us fincancially sound and for what? Get a lawyer and file qick!

The cards are stacked against you in our courts because you are a man. You will find this out so be prepared for an uphill battle. You will most likely have to pay her legal fees as well. But, with your financial situation, you most likely can qualify for bankruptcy. Even under the new laws!


I will get straight to the point. My wife and I have had serious finincial strain since our marriage in 04. She has not been great about managing money, and I cannot 1. talk to her about it 2. plan a budget 3. write it down without her accusing me of throwing it in her face. We have argued many time over this and many things with our arguements turning into profane shouting matches. Sometimes with her trying to physically provoke me. I have sought counseling with no success because she felt the counselor was taking my side on everything and she would admit no fault. I have admitted fault to avoid arguement. In July she injured her foot in a work related injury. Workers Comp has fought her all of the way. My meager income has covered all expenses and has put me in debt by the $1000s including car payment, horse stall payment and transport twice. Spending money so she could go to Wilmington numerous times. On top of all of my everyday bills. I have tried to put her on a budged but all she wants to do is cry and fuss and make me feel like you know what. She is due in for surgery on Nov 17. I need to leave but I don’t want to be a you know what. There are several things I need advice on but not enough space here. I need peace of mind. Any advice?

John Myers