I agree. There are few who can keep a their emotions from taking control when they are faced with this type of situation. What do YOU want to do? After all this, are you still prepared to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work? It may not be up to you but if you make that decision for yourself you will feel better about what your next moves should be.
Find one friend that you can talk to about it all. One person that you trust completely. Someone that has your best interest in mind and that you can be open with. Let that person read over anything and everything about this. Your right, your stepson will be the one to suffer. What type of custody agreement does your wife share with her ex for your stepson? He is going to be what makes this separation difficult, so you need someone looking at the situation from the outside. Someone who is not emotionally tied to the outcome.
I suggest that you keep doing what you are currently and make a few aggressive moves also.
Make sure that she is aware that you can sue anyone that she has a relationship with. Make sure that she knows adultery is still illegal in NC.
I already suggested writing up a separation agreement and putting it on the table. Maybe seeing all the property (assets & debts) divided on paper will make a difference. Seeing you put a value on the living room furniture, the computer, the TV, the bedroom furniture…this may cause her to confront you about it. If that happens, you are only trying to be fair and divide the assets as evenly as you can. Maybe it will get a discussion going…if possible, you can record that…
Since she apparently has made no attempt to hide the fact that she may be unfaithful (which is very cruel IMHO), you do not have to be passive about this. I understand that you may still love her, but if you want to truly protect yourself emotionally and you want to set the right example for her son as well as your own children, please do not allow her to do this while still living with you in your home. You can not force her to change but you can still react the way you would want her to. If you were going to cheat, would you brag to her about it…? Or would you leave her and the home prior to letting that situation come up and hide it from her out of respect and maybe a little humility?
The last thing I suggest, and this is going to be harsh and take a lot of determination, is asking her to leave the home. She has asked for a divorce and admitted that she is preparing to have sexual encounters outside your marriage. Keep records of everything. You can ask her, and it would not be considered forcing her out, to leave the home if she plans to be unfaithful. This would be a reason for filing for Divorce from Bed & Board also. If she’s making no attempts at hiding this fact but yet has not left already then she clearly wants you to leave. I don’t suggest that you do this. IMHO, the one that wants out of the marriage should be the one to leave if at all possible.
I’m not suggesting being mean about any of this, only that you be honest with yourself about your position. Realize that ending a marriage should not be an easy thing. Though it can remain amicable you do not have to bend over backwards to make things easy on someone who is so obviously not worried about your feelings. This is just my opinion though…