Overnight guest


#1

Its very hard for a man to get custody from the mother unless she proven to be an unfit mother(doing drug, abusive, etc:) then no but he will have rights to see his child and you can’t and shouldn’t try to stop it. The courts will mandate that neither of you is to have overnight guest of the opposite sex.


#2

This is childish behavior and should be treated as so. What age is your son? This will play a large part in how to handle the situation. Your ex really doesn’t have a legal leg to stand on and if he does try to litigate because of his insecurities over your new boyfriend (as long as they have no legal merit) the judge/mediator will see this for what it is and most likely not change anything already agreed to. As far as emotional, when you son says…“Daddy said that “Bob” …” Tell your son… “that is youd daddy’s opinion” and leave it at that. given time and lost of frustration on your part you son will come to see the person his daddy is, who your boyfriend is, and who you are. My son (who just turned 14) who felt sorry for his daddy for years and I believe anger at me for leaving his dad, has finally come around and sees his father for the person he is. I never stood between their realtionship and kept my comments about his father neutral. I did not lie and I talked in generalities. My husband and my son get along great. Although my son goes to his father’s each weekend he knows where home is. This is a hard thing to go through and you will be very frustrated at times. Be ready.


#3

It sounds as though your ex may be jealous of the time and relationship that is forming between this man and your son. It’s common for parents to be jealous but it’s necessary to keep in mind that it’s because they question their own parenting skills. With another adult in the child’s life they get to compare. What’s important to remember is that that child loves both parents. You can remind your ex that this man is not trying to take his place but simply trying to be part of the child’s life. If there is a significant other in either parent’s life it’s important that they at the very least can be civilized to the child if not more. Remind your ex that one day if not already he will have another woman in his life…this road goes both ways.
And as tribotina suggested, give it time. Eventually, children do see us for who we are. Think about it in terms of your own parents. As you got older you begin to realize that they too made mistakes, got angry, hurt, and sad just like you…almost everything that you have felt your parents have, at one time, felt it too. This is what your own child will eventually see.
My stepchildren were amazed to see me cry and couldn’t believe that I knew jokes that were funny. But they have slowly started to shed the judgements and concepts that were put into place by their mother’s words and actions about me…it took a while but eventually they have figured out that most of the stuff she told them about me was untrue. I did not go to great lengths to defend myself against this stuff because I know that eventually the truth comes out. And I’ve always kept my opinions about her from them.

As long as the child is not in danger or being neglected there is no cause to change the custody. Either parent wishing to get custody from the other would have to show why it would be in the child’s best interest for them to no longer live primarily with the other parent. It’s a lot of money to spend for something like this unless the child wants the change and is old enough to voice his/her reasons.

Don’t worry yourself sick over something that may never happen. Don’t argue with the ex about it. Don’t be drawn into his drama. If he is upset or jealous then let him be. Let him be stressed and lose sleep. Do not make this your problem. If this person is important to you then work through this with him and your child…
The courts will not keep you away from your child simply because you are involved in a relationship. They can stipulate that you have no overnight guests of the opposite sex that is not immediate family while the child is present, but if the relationship is serious enough, then the courts should see this as an unecessary stipulation.


#4

I applaud your taking extreme caution in guarding your custody rights. I am not addicted, abusive, etc. but I am the mother of a toddler and unemployed. Like many women before me, I learned that the one with the most money can get (if only temporarily) what he wants in NC. Do not let down your guard! Unless you are the one the most money, there are a number of things that he can do if he is desperate enough and has the hungriest attorney. Wait for the divorce degree before you spend the night! The relationship with your child should take first priority.


#5

I applaud your taking extreme caution in guarding your custody rights. I am not addicted, abusive, etc. but I am the mother of a toddler and unemployed. Like many women before me, I learned that the one with the most money can get (if only temporarily) what he wants in NC. Do not let down your guard! Unless you are the one the most money, there are a number of things that he can do if he is desperate enough and has the hungriest attorney. Wait for the divorce decree before you spend the night! The relationship with your child should take first priority.


#6

Generally if there is nothing dangerous about your significant other then it will not create a problem for your children to be around him and the judge will not change custody simply because you have a boyfriend. You should be careful to keep your conduct with this individual appropriate in front of your children.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

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1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#7

I have a man I have been dating for a WHILE now, and we have become very serious, he & my son get along wonderfully, he even has been a better “father figure” to my son than my sons REAL father,[?] but I seem to see ALLOT of jealousy from my ex. Is there anything me ex can do to try to get custody from me in anyway?