Partner puts everything before me


#1

I think you know the answer to this.

Reread what you wrote and imagine your best friend telling you all of this. What would you tell her?

Be your own best friend.

Parting is hard, but don’t you really deserve someone who puts you first in their life? (…and yes you do deserve that.) Do you always want to be scrabbling after any crumb of consideration he chooses to throw your way? If he hasn’t responded in 3 years in the manner that you need, then why would he change if you just hang around?

This doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. It simply means that at this time & place he is unable to fulfill your needs. He may never be able to and wanting it badly won’t make him suddenly see the light. There’s no magic phrase or act that will make him wake up and be the person you need. (Notice I didn’t say “want”.) Staying in a situation like this is the equivalent of clubbing your self-esteem like a baby seal.

There is nothing wrong with wanting/needing someone to think you’re special. That desire/need doesn’t make you selfish or vain.

Fill your life with the things that make you happy. Get rid of the things and people that don’t contribute to your goal of having a happy, rewarding relationship with someone who thinks you’re special. You can’t find that person if that space in your life is taken up with someone who is apathetic about your wants and needs. It’s taken 3 years to learn what you need, what works and doesn’t work for you, so it’s not wasted time, but now it’s time to make yourself happy.
Life is too short.


#2

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now. I met him while he was in the process of separating/divorcing and stood by him through it and now after 3 years he still hasnt divorced. He lives with his parents because they(his family) wanted him to(he said until his divorce was over but that was a year and a half ago and hes still there.)Holidays they always want hin to do something with them and he does no matter if we already had anything planned or not,then i see him a day or two later.And he says he forgot how can you forget everytime? He pays child support for his daughter which is 5,but everytime the childs mom say jump he asks how high(even though hes caught her with other men in the house that he was paying for). He’s helped her move out of state and was gone for a week! And all i get is that im gonna take care of my daughter!! And all that i hear is that im asking for more than he can give right now. I believe its “cant” give!! His family dictates his every move what he should and should not do. Ive told him plenty of times dont keep string me along for something that will never be. Life is too short and I dont want to waste it on someone that is gonna keep living in their past and wont let go. PLEASE HELP!!!