Post Divorce Nightmare


#1

Divorced 6 years, have custody of 9 year old. Domestic violence and issue with divorce & mental and financial abuse continue today. Ex has visitation rights, but has not exercised them in over a year. Tried to get him to spend more time with his son, but there’s always an arguement. Says he’s not a babysitter & “what about my own personal time?” His number is on speed dial & my son calls whenever he wants to, but dad usually asks for me to complain that I shouldn’t “put his son up to calling him all the time.” Makes no sense. He recently planned a weeks visitation for this summer & my response was, “it’s a great idea, why don’t you ask our son if he wants to do it?” Our son declined the trip after I told him it was his decision. Said he wanted to go, but not with his dad. However, before our son even declined the trip, my ex filed a contempt of court petition claiming that I am denying visitation rights. This is outrageous as I have never done any such thing! As my son has gotten older, I’ve always allowed him to decide what he wants to do. He’s upset with his dad because his dad often tells him he’s not trying hard enough when he’s trying his best…mental abuse makes him lose confidence in himself. He’s also upset because his dad interrogates him & badmouths his mom. He’s old enough to tell most of the truth from a lie & his dad’s aggression & anger are beginning to become very transparent to a maturing child. Obviously, his dad has the right to file any complaint that he wishes with the courts. He does it out of frustration because I won’t argue with him. I simply hang up the phone when he’s abusive. He loves a fight & I won’t give it to him. Now, I have to miss work and a paycheck to defend myself from false accusations. The man is still so bitter that “I left him and ruined his life.” What can I do to prevent this kind of harassment? It is taking it’s toll on both me and my son. I want his dad to be a good and caring dad, but dad isn’t interested in anything but venting anger & exercising control as he did in our marriage. He does have mental issues, but is very inconsistent with his treatment. I don’t know what his state of mind is at any given moment and I live in constant fear of our safety. (Yes, he has made threats and even attempts at kidnapping our son out of school and daycare & also broken into my home, though it couldn’t be proven completely…he stole a key & bragged about doing it.) Not because he wants to see him, but because he wants to terrorize me. He hasn’t broken the law yet, but one day he will & I’m terrified of that day. As I said before, he pushes the law to the limits without actually breaking it. Do we have to spend the rest of our lives in this hell or is there something we can do about it???

Tired Mom