Many of us wonder through our marriages and relationships knowing there is something wrong with our spouse, but not quite able to put our finger on it.
I feel compelled to share with others what I have learned from the dissolution of my marriage.
There is a great demand for the education of psychopathy in our society. Psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists, bipolar, and many of these disorders are comorbid with one another.
Not until my husband had left, and I discovered the other women, the fraud he had committed strategically to destroy me, emotionally, financially and psychologically, did I realize that I had been married to a psychopath. They’re not all Hannibel Lectors folks. They’re your husbands, your doctors, your childrens teachers, your priests, etc. No conscience/low conscience…born that way and impossible for them to change. They’re able to leave you and their own children, and never look back. They’re able to look you in the face for years and years, only telling lies. They are not capable of love and quite honestly don’t understand the concept. They can idealize for a short time, but then they devalue you and discard you, along with many others.
They will NOT be happy with the next victim, though many of us wonder what we did wrong, why he stopped loving us, what did we do to deserve this? They can be the most charming, seemingly thoughtful, entertaining and exciting type of partner you may ever have. But, its all a means to an end. They won’t bother with you unless they have a particular need from you.
It could be monetary, or a vendetta against someone, or to appear normal even, but it’s not for love.
Educate yourselves. Educate your children. It is estimated that as many as 20-25% of the male society has no conscience/low conscience disorders. Some women too, but not as prevalent.
WITHOUT CONSCIENCE, by Robert Hare, the world renowned expert is a great book. WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS, by Sandra Brown, THE MASK OF SANITY, THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR, there are books that can help you learn the red flags, and protect yourself in future relationships. The education can be life changing in helping you to come to terms with your loss, your marriage, your family, etc. One thing is for sure, and one thing that is repeated in most books…IT"S NOT YOUR FAULT.
Try Stop Walking on Eggshells too, my wife I’m pretty sure (at least one of her councilors said so), has borderline personality disorder. This is a low key form of crazy that will make you miserable, but others will think nothing is wrong with her.
I have been married to a sociopath for 3 years and he ruined my life. When we met, he was Mr. Wonderful. Christian, sweet loving and all. We never argued once until we got married. Then he stopped working, wanted his “half” of everything, I had to pay all the bills and the sex completely stopped. I found out I was his 6th wife and he has 3 kids he never took care of. He did the same to all his exes. He would start fights over the smallest thing, if I asked him to help pay a bill (because I was drowning in them) he wouldn’t speak to me for weeks. He told me all his exes cheated on him and he was such a vvictim. I felt sorry for him. When he left me, I had gone in 3 years from having 30K in savings to being 120K in debt. He is now living with an older woman that he moved in a week after he left me. He wont sign papers to sell our home (we have had 3 offers) and I transferred out of state with the military so I can’t afford the mortgage and my new home (renting). The house is going to be foreclosed and he thinks its funny since its in my name. He says I threw him out, but I never did. I begged him to save our marriage. He told me its OK he has girlfirend because his pastor told him so. He says all this crazy stuff and lies (that I swear he believes his own lies). I am glad he is out of my life physically, however the battle in the divorce is not nearly over. He will never pay me for the debt I owe even if a judge orders it. In a small town like Lexington its amazing this man still gets women to fall for him (I was from another state when I met him). People say God will sort it out, but I dont think that eases my mind. He’s crazy and ruining my life and tried to ruin my career (he planted drugs in my car so I would get arrested for possession - luckily I was tipped off). Sociopaths are dangerous and some of what they do should be illegal, but its not. Sadly.
I am feeling what you all are feeling.
I have recently realized I am married to narcissist/psycopath. I always knew his behavior was sometimes off and questionable but didnt know why. Now I know why…he has a personality disorder or disorders. OMG, I cant believe it! He use to be such a sweetheart, loving, affectionate, quiet natured. It was all an act. Makes me feel sick to my stomach that I’ve been duped…
Thank you for posting this! It’s true what you say, you will never know the depths of some people’s psychopathy. Many of the most affected are also incredibly good deceivers.
I did not realize, until my marriage ended abruptly with a singular act of domestic violence, that I had been married to a sociopath. It has now been a year and a month, he has not seen his 2 year old daughter since the day everything happened, even though he was granted supervised visitation; he has not paid anything, didn’t attend the first-offenders DV program per his original sentence and tried contacting me several times regardless of a no-contact order to tell me how sorry he was and how he wished we could reconcile. When that didn’t work, he told all of his family, and any mutual friends that he could find, that I attacked him! The gall! I couldn’t believe it! This man threatened my life and the safety of my child and then had his mom call me repeatedly asking when I was going to forgive him and forget the “nonsense”…
And when a narcissist ex takes you to court there is seemingly no end to the abuse…he just uses the system to further his agenda to destroy your life…been there going on 7 years now…the system needs a wake up call as well. This is so wrong.
[quote=“SouthernBroadway”]Thank you for posting this! It’s true what you say, you will never know the depths of some people’s psychopathy. Many of the most affected are also incredibly good deceivers.
I did not realize, until my marriage ended abruptly with a singular act of domestic violence, that I had been married to a sociopath. It has now been a year and a month, he has not seen his 2 year old daughter since the day everything happened, even though he was granted supervised visitation; he has not paid anything, didn’t attend the first-offenders DV program per his original sentence and tried contacting me several times regardless of a no-contact order to tell me how sorry he was and how he wished we could reconcile. When that didn’t work, he told all of his family, and any mutual friends that he could find, that I attacked him! The gall! I couldn’t believe it! This man threatened my life and the safety of my child and then had his mom call me repeatedly asking when I was going to forgive him and forget the “nonsense”…[/quote]
Mommy to the rescue…that figures! UGH.