Pushed and Pushed for Divorce


#1

Has anyone experienced the regret of divorce? I pushed and pushed forward for the divorce and now that I’m divorced, I regret it.


#2

I hate the thought of divorce. I love the man I just cannot live like this anymore so I understand.

I have to get divorced to live in fear and mistrust for the rest of my life.

I am sorry you are having a hard time :frowning:


#3

Thanks for your response. What is it that you can’t live like anymore…the reason I ask is because that is how I felt too. My spouse had all this anger, we tried therapy, but I pretty much already had one foot out the door and wouldn’t give my spouse the time of day…so I pushed for the divorce, because I too felt “I couldn’t live like this anymore”…I now realized, I could of, should of done alot more and I should have stuck by my spouse even during the hard times and I wish I was more supportive. Now that we are divorced, my spouse (or rather my x) in therapy and working on issues and i now see positive changes and I don’t want to be divorced. I googled how to reconcile after divorce and there were lots of topics and interesting articles…some that were right on point with where I was in my life and where our marriage was at the time…I wish I had disovered all this information before hand. One really really interesting piece I read was not to talk to family members for “advice” because family is just going to tell you what you want to hear so you’ll feel better. That was very true for me too, because I talked to a sibling who is also divorced and I think my sibling just wanted me to divorce too, so she wouldn’t have been the only divorcee in the family…I know sounds stupid, but hinesight is 20-20…wish I knew then, what I know now.
Don’t give into the divorce, especially if you still have feelings…you’ll regret it later! Trust me, I know.


#4

I have one question for you l8084y. Would your ex-spouse have gotten treatment had you not left him? Would he have committed himself as hard to the treatment? Sometimes divorce and someone hitting rock bottom is precisely what it takes to get them to change their behavior. (In my father’s case, it’s exactly what it took for him to change his and become a much better husband and father.)

So, I guess what I’m saying is don’t beat yourself up for the divorce. It may have been a necessary step for both of you to go through to improve your relationship. Take it slow as you reconnect and make sure you aren’t going back to old, bad patterns. Perhaps you will remarry, or perhaps the grass isn’t always greener, but I wish you luck in whatever happens.


#5

Athos, thanks for your email. i think if i had been more supportive when we were married, my xspouse, would have gone into therapy…i “think”. my x spouse finally committed to therapy after realizing our child didn’t want to be around someone with an anger issue. Hopefully, as you mentioned we can work on improving our relationship.


#6

Do you ever read an old post and wonder what ever happened, or where did they go…I wonder that sometimes. Well, its been a year since i posted that i regretted getting divorce. Over the past year since my initial post, I have come to realize and understand, that it was the right thing to do for myself and my child. In my downward spiral spin last year, when I totally regretted getting divorced, it was explained to me, that my feelings and emotions were like going through a death in the family and a divorce is very similar to that - a very tramatic happening. You live with someone for so long, yet you never think that a divorce could effect you so emotionally like a death, especially since the divorce is what you wanted. The whole thought of my emotions going through this like a death was hard to believe, but a year later, I am stronger and more emotionally in check with the divorce. In the past year, I worked on me to be a better person and parent and my child to be in a more relaxed and calm environment. My relationship with my X is much better than it was prior to our divorce, which of course makes it much better for our child. In some ways, I don’t feel like I’m divorced, since the X and I get along…and if we don’t get along, we each can leave and go to our own homes…I don’t have to put up with the X and vise versa. However, I miss having a significant other around, who i can feel emotionally attached to and connected to. I miss companionship, closeness, sex. I miss my heart skipping a beat when I see that special someone. The most joyous feeling, I think, is the feeling of being in love. At the beginning of the marriage, i had all of those feelings, but over the years, those feelings faded. Last year, I thought those feelings were still there…but, they were not…those feelings are gone. So, I miss the feeling of being in love…and at this point…just being in “like” with someone would be nice. I don’t know if I’ll find that again…everyone seems to have their own baggage and it’s hard to think, I could ever feel open and comfortable with another person. Isn’t that sad…I actually wish that special someone would just drop into my life some how…but, the important thing is that I no longer regret the divorce and the X and I get along, which is great for the sake of our child. It’s good to say now and to truly feel it, that the divorce was the right thing to do.


#7

Dear I8084y,
I read this thread and am commend you on keeping the readership up-to-date with your journey. I can totally relate to your feelings of “something missing” in life…that little thing called love. I have found that looking in the mirror and telling myself “I love you” has been a simple and effective way to boost my own spirits. I believe that the more love I have for myself, the more likely I’ll be open to loving again and attracting the ‘right’ person into my life. Hope this helps.
Garnet