Will I ever be friends with Ex


#1

Who can explain what the ex is thinking? Legaly, you will need to look back at the agreement in order to determin if he can be taken to court for failure to pay alimony (what are the terms for treminiation of alimony, time, remarriage, etc) BUT child support is enforceable until age 18 AND completion of highschool (as long as child is enrolled in school). My ex every now and then will call me and tell me what is going on in his life… how work is going (even though he’s 8000.00 behind in child support), what problems he’s having with his family, and his physical ailments, etc. Then there will be no communication for months and when we have a court date due to child support, I get calls accusing me of being out to get him. He has had a relationship? with some woman who lives about two hours away and she has been diagnosed with a terminal diesase. He calls me up to tell me about it. I am pretty much apathetic about his life and do not invite him into mine. We’ve been divorced for just over a year with our seperation starting in 2003. I think in your situation, your ex may be unsure of how he feels about you “moving on”. From other posts, (and your screen name) I assume you have pretty much kept your life just you and your son. Not saying he wants you back or anything, but more like he is realizing you have a life and you don’t have to include him. It’s narsasistic and he may not even be aware of why he feels this way. Or it could be that he feels that he must cut you completely out of his life in order to make this new relationship work. As far as pick up and drop offs, my ex picks up my son on Fridays and I get him picked up on Sundays. Its only fair, we both have the burden one way. My husband’s ex picks up and drops off the kids from school on Friday/Mondays. She chose to move out of state and they have this thing (childish) about not going to each other’s houses. I guess what I’m trying to say there is no “perfect” situation for everybody. What works for one will not work for another. It is best to pick your battles. Go pick up your son, move into your new home and let your ex have his way. In time he’ll “break” his own rules about communication. You have a child, youneed to communicate… duh! Now, about the alimony / child support… don’t let him take what is yours. It was in the agreement and he is responsible. Good Luck


#2

HI justus
I know how you feel it has been 3 yrs for me and demarried for little over a yr what happened to me it took along time for me to get over the (hurt) thats gone the (bitterness) well thats hard for me to due I can not trust her I must always be on my guard with her been lie to so many times just do not know what is the truth.
With my ex its all about money she told me that if I want the children that she would not pay for nothing not even child support if the children want to stay with me I did not tell her nothing just let her talk I hope she would let me have them but until then must wait.
I think your ex is going though the same like my ex is its called denail they know what they have done and try to forget it but it never leaves its always there, heres a good one my ex said she never done nothing but she said in court that she did have an affair wow what and who to believe
Hope the best for you and it will get better in time


#3

This is the BEST advice I’ve EVER had on this forum. Thank you so much. You are so right on about it all. Thank you thank you.

quote:
[i]Originally posted by trbotina[/i] [br]Who can explain what the ex is thinking? Legaly, you will need to look back at the agreement in order to determin if he can be taken to court for failure to pay alimony (what are the terms for treminiation of alimony, time, remarriage, etc) BUT child support is enforceable until age 18 AND completion of highschool (as long as child is enrolled in school). My ex every now and then will call me and tell me what is going on in his life.... how work is going (even though he's 8000.00 behind in child support), what problems he's having with his family, and his physical ailments, etc. Then there will be no communication for months and when we have a court date due to child support, I get calls accusing me of being out to get him. He has had a relationship? with some woman who lives about two hours away and she has been diagnosed with a terminal diesase. He calls me up to tell me about it. I am pretty much apathetic about his life and do not invite him into mine. We've been divorced for just over a year with our seperation starting in 2003. I think in your situation, your ex may be unsure of how he feels about you "moving on". From other posts, (and your screen name) I assume you have pretty much kept your life just you and your son. Not saying he wants you back or anything, but more like he is realizing you have a life and you don't have to include him. It's narsasistic and he may not even be aware of why he feels this way. Or it could be that he feels that he must cut you completely out of his life in order to make this new relationship work. As far as pick up and drop offs, my ex picks up my son on Fridays and I get him picked up on Sundays. Its only fair, we both have the burden one way. My husband's ex picks up and drops off the kids from school on Friday/Mondays. She chose to move out of state and they have this thing (childish) about not going to each other's houses. I guess what I'm trying to say there is no "perfect" situation for everybody. What works for one will not work for another. It is best to pick your battles. Go pick up your son, move into your new home and let your ex have his way. In time he'll "break" his own rules about communication. You have a child, youneed to communicate... duh! Now, about the alimony / child support.... don't let him take what is yours. It was in the agreement and he is responsible. Good Luck

#4

you’re quite welcome. I am glad my perspective could help. If you need anything, or just to vent you can email me directly. The sad thing is your son is the one who will have to take the brunt of your ex’s behavior. I do not know his age, (I assume he’s at least 4) but he is aware of the tension. The best move is to be honest when he asks or shows concern for this or that. I made the mistake of not telling my son (he was 12 at the time) that his father and I were going to court over nonpayment, his dad was arrested and he was told at school about his daddy being in jail. That was a tramatic time for him, and although he was angry at me, it was more for not telling him what was going on; not that his dad was in jail. I have since told him about all upcoming court dates and why. He doesn’t like it, but he also knows that his daddy is not standing up to being financially responsible for him. That is causing termoil in my son, he loves his father, but is loosing respect for him. My son knows that I will always be there to look after him, even if his daddy won’t. Even with my ex being so far behind, the only time I stepped in on visitation is when I felt my ex’s house was too nasty for my son to go there. You say the new girlfriend is trying to difuse the situation, maybe you can communicate with her about matters involving your son until your ex grows up and sees he is cutting off his nose to spite his face. Your focus is your son and yourself (don’t forget about yourself, if you dwell on the past you are going to make yourself miserable and miss out on happiness that is infront of you). Politeness is the best weapon and armor. Good luck to you and your son.


#5

It’s been 4 years since the separation, 1 since divorce. I hoarded bitterness and anger for so long due to the affair with his co-worker. They have since moved in together and I’ve accepted it. I thought things were fine until I just showed my ex the new house my son and I are moving into. He has been destined to ruin me since. He says he will pay me alimony and child support for November when he has it… I move on November 1st. I don’t know where his new found behavior is coming from.?? The new girlfriend is actually helping to difuse somewhat…He has instructed me not to call him on his phone… and has told me he will only pick up our son but not drop him off on his days… What in the world??